I should have known better, but when Ken announced one of his long ago school mates was going to come and help fence a new boundary, it seemed at the time like a good idea. I won't say there weren't some lonely brain cells that were trying to jump up and down and catch my attention when same friend and Ken had put in the main entrance gate (new) off one of the two massive (also new) strainers we had put in and even Ken had to admit a day or two later that the gate tended go point heavenward at the end of it.
But on the appointed day, all my brain cells were chorusing in unison when at 8.30 in the morning, the friend staggered, quite literally, up the driveway with a chainsaw over one shoulder and a mate carrying another saw right beside him.
I didn't need to go to the house gate for an olfactory experience to realise the fencer was as drunk as a skunk. My heart sinking, I rang Ken who was busy painting one of our truly lovely neighbour's home. He really thought I was joking.
But it became obvious by the time Ken got home that I hadn't been. Our new boundary fence had more waves than a royal salute. It wasn't expected to be finished till the following day, but I was the first person to be concerned that the new boundary line had three simple number one posts where there should have been strainers. Especially considering there were two right angled turns to the new boundary lines.
Let me digress for a moment to tell you how we got a new boundary line, (the old one which is shown above) - it does have bearing on the story and had I known at the time, friend or not, I'd have contacted the local fencing contractor long before Ken could agree to his mate's offer of doing it.
I had seen the aerial view of the property and I had also seen Google map's view. And while each matched the other as far as the southeastern boundary went on paper, neither matched what the actual reality was. In fact, the fence line veered in completely the opposite direction and looked to be chopping off nearly half an acre. (Which of course matters greatly when you only have five).
So I contacted the local surveyors to come out and reassess the boundary and sure enough, we were owed some land. For the life of us, we couldn't understand how it had happened, till a neighbour told us that years ago, the fencer employed to put the boundary fence up, along with others, had lost his job because of turning up to work the worse for wear. No chocolate fish prizes for guessing who the fencer had been... the pic below shows the beginning of the divergence, with the real boundary heading away on the left.
So, back to the story.
Well, yes it was wavy. And the seven wire strand did have very large gaps under some of it where the land dipped away and where it had been set too high. And set too high because, you guessed it, the posts were too far apart, nor were they set in places were the land dipped deeply enough, which presented the problem of gaps large enough for a sheep to get under.
Well, we hoped it would hold up until Ken could get his mate back to fix it, although I'll admit to strong reservations about
that at the time.
About a week or two later, as the drought progressed and the neighbours young steers were really looking for something to eat, I happened to be looking out the window and realised one of them was using its horns to hook the wire out of the way. Just as I shouted to Ken, the boundary post-which-was-not-a-strainer gave way and the whole wire set came down with it. Which of course delighted the steers no end.
Ken went out and chased the steers away and I swear the air was somewhat blue in his immediate vicinity as he wrenched the post back up again and hammered it in before he realised the stay wasn't going to sit where it was meant to; it had been so badly seated it could not have stayed there if you had superglued it in - and of course, the post which should have been strainer-sized, had no anchor footing whatsoever underneath it. In free-draining sandy - and extremely dry - soil, what was going to happen? You guessed it, it had less chance of staying upright than a drunken sailor.
Thanking every farm god that might have been in listening area for the fact that we hadn't yet pulled down the old boundary fence, which would have let the cows into the orchard, I raced down to the cow's owners place and asked them to try and sort it - as they had also broken down a very temporary rotten old wooden gate being used as a boundary fence up past the new area.
It was not happening. They were settling in for the nightly few drinks with friends and it would have to wait till the following day.
Gob-smacked, back I went to try and help Ken get the fence back up as best we could.
The following day, the cow's owner's wife turned up, along with her father-in-law and they tried to put up an electric fence. Unfortunately, they had nowhere near enough electric tape, so Ken gave them some old stuff we had been given years before we even thought about a lifestyle block. But... he didn't know that several lengths of it had been broken clean in half and while knotted up, no current would go through it once it reached the first knot. So you guessed it, the cows had that down in four hours.
The next day Ken went to get some new posts and while I emphasised they had to be strainers, back he came with slightly larger posts - but strainers they were not. However, being a mere female, my point of view was brushed off and off he went swearing he could do a better job.
For a whole day he slaved his way out in the blistering sun - and it was hot; some 35C - and dug in the new posts, put the stays back in and tightened the wires. Coming back, he was very pleased with himself, until I mentioned, somewhat diffidently bearing in mind that his male pride was at stake, that the stays needed to be positioned to bear the brunt of the force of the wires being pushed in. Not to either side. He then proudly mentioned it didn't matter, as he had put all the wires on the inside of the posts. Hang on a minute...
"Please, please don't tell me you stapled the wires to the inside of both those right angled posts..."
Yep, he had. And what's more, thought it was a very fine job, that it would work - and that it would have to because he didn't have enough wire through increasing the size of the posts.
Sigh.
Thankfully, the neighbour's Dad knows about fencing. He mentioned to Ken the following day when they dismantled the electric fence, that yes, one did need strainers. Yes, they do need anchoring footings and yes they do need stays in the opposite direction to where the force of wires being pushed against the strainer will help it stay upright. Oh and most definitely, they do not get stapled inside of the posts...
And that he will come and show him what to do later this week.